By Lainey Baine.
During our Divine Service, I wanted to share a message about something that affects every one of us at some point in our lives: grief, loss and the journey of rediscovering who we are.
Before beginning my address, I lit a special healing candle called the Flame of Avalon, of which I am a guardian. I dedicated this flame to everyone who had not been mentioned during the healing prayers or included in the church’s healing book. It was a simple gesture to remind us that healing, love and compassion extend to everyone, whether their names have been spoken aloud or not.
Who Am I Without You?
When I was asked to give a Spiritual Address, I wondered what I should talk about. I asked my spirit guides for inspiration, and one question came into my mind:
“Who am I?”
It sounds like such a simple question, but when you really think about it, the answer can be incredibly complicated.
As I reflected on this, I felt guided to focus on those of us who have experienced the loss of someone important in our lives.
That loss might come through the passing of a loved one into spirit, the breakdown of a relationship, divorce or estrangement. It might involve a partner, parent, sibling, child or someone else who has played a significant role in our lives.
When someone who has been such an important part of our world is no longer physically present, we can find ourselves asking:
“Who am I now that they’re no longer in my life?”
For some people, that question can be overwhelming. When we have spent years defining ourselves through our relationships with others, losing that connection can leave us feeling as though we have lost part of ourselves.
But there is something important I want you to remember.
You are still you. You are still whole.
We often hear people describe their partner as their “other half” or their “better half”. But I don’t believe we should think of ourselves as incomplete without another person.
That person was a wonderful and important part of your life, but you were already a whole person before they came into it.
And you remain a whole person, even after they have gone.
Understanding Grief and Learning to Live With Loss
Grief is an incredibly personal journey. No two people experience it in exactly the same way, and there is no single correct way to deal with it.
From my own experiences, I know just how painful grief can be.
It isn’t something that we can simply get over. I don’t believe grief ever completely disappears. Instead, we gradually learn to live our lives around it.
Imagine your grief as something enormous, sitting right in the middle of your heart.
At first, it can feel as though it takes up every available space. It dominates your thoughts, your emotions and your everyday life.
But as time passes, and as you begin to rediscover yourself, something starts to change.
It isn’t necessarily that the grief itself becomes smaller. Rather, your life begins to grow around it.
You begin to find moments of happiness again. You discover new experiences, new relationships and new reasons to look forward to tomorrow.
The grief is still there, and it may always be there, but it no longer has to occupy every part of your existence.
There is no timetable for this process.
For some people, it takes weeks or months. For others, it takes years or even decades. And sometimes, the pain can feel just as powerful many years later as it did when the loss first occurred.
We should never judge ourselves or others for how long the grieving process takes.
Are You Existing or Truly Living?
This brings me back to that original question: “Who am I?”
When we experience a significant loss, we sometimes find ourselves simply existing rather than truly living.
We go through the motions of everyday life, but somewhere along the way, we may have lost touch with the person we once were.
So I want you to ask yourself another question:
“Am I simply existing, or am I allowing myself to live?”
You are still the strong, incredible and wonderful person you were before your loss.
That person hasn’t disappeared.
You may have changed through your experiences, and you may carry sadness that wasn’t there before, but your identity and your worth remain.
Finding yourself again doesn’t mean forgetting the person you have lost. It doesn’t mean leaving them behind or diminishing the love you shared.
It means recognising that your own journey continues.
You still have a life to live, experiences to enjoy and love to give and receive.
And you deserve to embrace those opportunities.
Learning to Love Yourself Again
I can speak about this from personal experience.
It took me until my early forties to begin recognising the importance of looking after myself and discovering who I really was.
That is something I think we all need to understand. Self-discovery isn’t a destination that we reach overnight. It’s an ongoing journey.
There will be times when we feel strong and confident, and other times when grief unexpectedly comes rushing back.
It might be a memory, a familiar place, a particular song or simply a moment when we wish someone was still here beside us.
Those feelings can hit us in the heart when we least expect them.
And that’s all right.
Even those of us who work with spirit, who believe in the continuation of life beyond physical death, still experience grief.
Our spiritual understanding doesn’t make us immune to the pain of losing someone we love.
But it can help us recognise that our own lives still have meaning and purpose.
We can continue to grow, to learn and to discover new aspects of ourselves, even while carrying the memories of those who have passed into spirit.
You Are Still Worthy, and You Are Still Loved
If there is one message I would like everyone to take away from my address, it is this:
You are still alive. You are still worthy. You have always been loved, and you still are.
Whatever loss you have experienced, whatever challenges you are facing, please don’t forget your own value.
Take time to care for yourself. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, but also give yourself permission to experience happiness again.
You don’t have to have all the answers today, tomorrow or even next year.
There is no pressure to achieve anything by a particular time.
Just begin by acknowledging that you matter.
The people we love will always hold a special place in our hearts, but our lives are still ours to live.
So, as you continue on your own spiritual journey, I encourage you to look within and ask yourself:
“Who am I, and who am I still becoming?”
And above all else, please remember to love yourself and look after yourself.
With love and blessings,
Lainey Baine
Spiritual Address delivered at Thundersley Christian Spiritualist Church, Sunday 11 October 2026.
This article was drafted using Chat GPT AI from a transcript of the medium’s spiritual address during our Divine Service. Edited by humans. Featured image by Chat GPT.
